Moving Forward....

How do I begin.....Most of you know that we had to turn down our referral. It has been a long and difficult road. After so many years of infertility I had to let go of the precious little girl that grew in my heart. I spent many days, and nights sobbing trying to find what God's path was for us and this little girl. I felt crushed, and guilty. My dream of a daughter seem to crash at my feet, and the guilt of leaving her in China was very overwhelming for me. I prayed for answers and peace....yet God seemed silent to me. I questioned my faith and if God even cared about the pain I felt. My husband stood strong in my battle of faith and direction. My husband assured me that God did in fact have our daughter waiting in China, and that for some reason beyond our own understanding Leanna was not meant to be our daughter. I fought that truth with myself, with God and with my husband. I begged him to just go get Leanna. I was ready to take on what ever her condition was. I sobbed daily. My husband could not see it...He was firm on what he felt God's path for us was. Through the months of pain, I slowly came around to what God has planned for us. No amount of prayer changed my husband in what he felt God had for us. I know that God does not close one door without opening another. So here I am loving Leanna, and trusting God. My husband and I have realized how much this has touched our hearts. How we long to help the ones still in the orphanages. Through Leanna God has planted a seed for missions in China. My husband and I talk a lot of about doing missions in China. We both feel this is something God has called us to do. Leanna will always be my daughter in my heart and in my prayers. We have recently received a new referral. Which was another test of my faith. Her site is http://steens2china.blogspot.com/. We are moving forward, and I would like to thank all who have reached out to support us. My email is steenjks@yahoo.com if anyone has questions or needs to talk. I have been through so much emotionally, and would love to help anyone else who may experience these things.